For those of you interested in keeping your pet and your landlord on good terms, we're here to help. We've given countless humans advice on how to instruct their pets in the proper methods of behavior toward landlords. Landlords are not that difficult to figure out, but you do need to prepare your pet in order for him to put his best paw forward.
When talking to your pet about your landlord, and your landlord about your pet, it’s important for you to realize that your job is to act as facilitator. You cannot change your pet’s actions or your landlord’s attitudes. Your role is simply to negotiate a living arrangement that works for all of you.
Do not resort to threatening your pet with phrases like, “We’ll be homeless if you bring another dead mouse into this apartment” or “If you don’t stop barking I’ll really give you something to bark about.” It’s best to just sit down with your pet and calmly, yet firmly, explain the importance of the situation with him. Herewith, then, are three suggestions on bringing your pet and landlord closer together.
1) Have Your Pet Invite Your Landlord to Dinner
By hosting a dinner for your landlord, your pet will have the opportunity to prove that he is a responsible tenant. Over a glass of wine or appetizers, try to steer the conversation toward topics your pet can speak intelligently about, such as the benefits of a raw food diet, organic toys or bully sticks. Make sure that throughout the course of the evening he lets your landlord know that he will try not to make noise that disturbs other tenants. He should also respond to any concerns your landlord may have about the potential for damage.
2) Have Your Pet Send Your Landlord a Gift
Having your pet send a small gift such as a bottle of wine or a gift basket will keep him first and foremost in your landlord’s mind when it comes to lease renewal. Depending on your pet’s maturity level and income bracket, it’s up to you whether or not you let him select the gift to be sent.
3) Have Your Pet Pay for Your Landlord’s Child’s College Education
You and your pet need only resort to this option if your pet has committed a seriously destructive offense against the apartment.
Follow these simple suggestions and your landlord may want your pet to stay in the apartment even if you move.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
How To Save Money on Cat Food
By Jester
(I first published this article on Helium.com.)
Humans and cats have disagreed for decades on the best ways to save money on cat food. Humans have historically answered this question by focusing on feeding cats less. Cats have wondered why their humans don’t get second jobs in order to continue feeding them in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed. Some snarkier cats I know have been known to say, “Well, why not just toss me a saltine and bowl of water? That’ll really save some dough.”
I believe it’s time for us to sit at the negotiating table with our humans and prove to them that it’s less expensive and less work to eat cat food than it is to eat human food.
Let’s sort through the issues logically and systematically, shall we?
1) The Cost of Cat Food vs. the Cost of Human Food
I’m not an accountant, but it seems to me that a can of cat food, even really yummy, healthy food like a 5.5 oz can of Weruva Marbella Paella, when purchased by the case, is only a whisker more than a 5.0 oz can of tuna (solid white, packed in water) for humans. By the time you add three tablespoons of mayo, two slices of bread, a piece of lettuce, a slice of tomato, some chips, a pickle, a cupcake, a napkin and the dish soap to wash the plate, it is more expensive to eat tuna than it is cat food.
Score: Cat Food 1 – Human Food 0
2) A Cat’s Shopping Cart vs. A Human’s Shopping Cart
Cats are obligate carnivores. That means we get everything we need from meat. Oh, you should throw us a bone every now and then so we can get a little calcium, but you don’t need to put anything else in a our shopping cart. What’s in a human’s shopping cart? A can of tuna, a jar of mayo, a loaf of bread, a head of lettuce, a tomato, a bag of chips, a jar of pickles, a package of napkins, 12 cupcakes and a bottle of dishwashing liquid. Try carrying all that to the car in the rain. (For the purposes of this article, we are not adding litter or toilet paper to either cart.)
Score: Cat Food 2 – Human Food 0
3) Preparation of Cat Food vs. Preparation of Human Food
It’s a well-known fact within the cat community that cat food companies conspire against us by continuing to package their food in cans. As we do not have opposable thumbs, it is impossible for us to use a can opener. We’ve made some strides toward can equality with the flip top can, but it’s not enough. We remain beholden to those with thumbs to feed us. But I digress. When you consider how long it takes to open a can of tuna, mix it with three tablespoons of mayo, toast two slices of bread, wash and chop a head of lettuce and a tomato, open a bag of chips, a jar of pickles, a package of napkins and the cupcakes before squirting the dishwashing liquid into the sink, it’s easier to serve cat food.
Score: Cat Food 3 – Human Food 0
Conclusion
The above points prove that the question is not how to save money on cat food. It is how to save time and money on human food. Clearly, the answer is to buy more cat food and feed it to the whole family.
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.
(I first published this article on Helium.com.)
Humans and cats have disagreed for decades on the best ways to save money on cat food. Humans have historically answered this question by focusing on feeding cats less. Cats have wondered why their humans don’t get second jobs in order to continue feeding them in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed. Some snarkier cats I know have been known to say, “Well, why not just toss me a saltine and bowl of water? That’ll really save some dough.”
I believe it’s time for us to sit at the negotiating table with our humans and prove to them that it’s less expensive and less work to eat cat food than it is to eat human food.
Let’s sort through the issues logically and systematically, shall we?
1) The Cost of Cat Food vs. the Cost of Human Food
I’m not an accountant, but it seems to me that a can of cat food, even really yummy, healthy food like a 5.5 oz can of Weruva Marbella Paella, when purchased by the case, is only a whisker more than a 5.0 oz can of tuna (solid white, packed in water) for humans. By the time you add three tablespoons of mayo, two slices of bread, a piece of lettuce, a slice of tomato, some chips, a pickle, a cupcake, a napkin and the dish soap to wash the plate, it is more expensive to eat tuna than it is cat food.
Score: Cat Food 1 – Human Food 0
2) A Cat’s Shopping Cart vs. A Human’s Shopping Cart
Cats are obligate carnivores. That means we get everything we need from meat. Oh, you should throw us a bone every now and then so we can get a little calcium, but you don’t need to put anything else in a our shopping cart. What’s in a human’s shopping cart? A can of tuna, a jar of mayo, a loaf of bread, a head of lettuce, a tomato, a bag of chips, a jar of pickles, a package of napkins, 12 cupcakes and a bottle of dishwashing liquid. Try carrying all that to the car in the rain. (For the purposes of this article, we are not adding litter or toilet paper to either cart.)
Score: Cat Food 2 – Human Food 0
3) Preparation of Cat Food vs. Preparation of Human Food
It’s a well-known fact within the cat community that cat food companies conspire against us by continuing to package their food in cans. As we do not have opposable thumbs, it is impossible for us to use a can opener. We’ve made some strides toward can equality with the flip top can, but it’s not enough. We remain beholden to those with thumbs to feed us. But I digress. When you consider how long it takes to open a can of tuna, mix it with three tablespoons of mayo, toast two slices of bread, wash and chop a head of lettuce and a tomato, open a bag of chips, a jar of pickles, a package of napkins and the cupcakes before squirting the dishwashing liquid into the sink, it’s easier to serve cat food.
Score: Cat Food 3 – Human Food 0
Conclusion
The above points prove that the question is not how to save money on cat food. It is how to save time and money on human food. Clearly, the answer is to buy more cat food and feed it to the whole family.
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Baron Requests a Retention Bonus from AIG
Dear Sirs at AIG in Charge of Retention Bonuses,
I respectfully request a retention bonus of $1,000,000. My qualifications for the retention bonus are as follows:
Sincerely,
Baron
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
I respectfully request a retention bonus of $1,000,000. My qualifications for the retention bonus are as follows:
- Over the years, I have retained water many times
- One of the kids in my family used to wear a retainer
- Even at my advanced age, I am able to jump over (small) retaining walls
- After paying my bills, I have no retained earnings
- I know some dogs who are anal retentive
Whisker GiftersIf my check is sent by a method for which a signature is required, please make sure it is delivered between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m., as I leave for lunch at 1:00 p.m. on the dot.
24 Main St., 2nd Floor
Port Washington, NY 11050
Sincerely,
Baron
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
- Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
Monday, July 13, 2009
A Parallel Between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California
Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"You'll Find Me with the Goldfish"
By Anonymous Squirrel, New England
Fall was approaching and it was getting cold in New England. I came across a house with cedar siding and found myself a little hole to crawl into. As luck would have it, my kids found me and crawled in, too. Being of the New England pioneering squirrel spirit, we decided that Manifest Destiny was ours, and spread out into the walls and ceilings of the house.
We lived there happily for a day or two until strange things started happening. We heard a lot of barking coming from within the house. We noticed that as we ran along the walls, the barking followed us. Next came the guy in a uniform who plugged our entrance hole with caulk. That dog had dropped the dime on us.
I comforted my babies as we searched desperately for an escape. We were hungry and tired, but we knew we could never quit. Softly, we hummed an old spiritual that our fore-squirrels hummed as they fought for independence in the war against the red tail hawks.
I scratched my last will and testament into a support beam, leaving all of my acorns to my favorite nephew. Then I saw a bright light. Oh, the end was near! I told myself to be brave and strong for my children, in this, our final hour. Then one baby jumped into the light. Oh, the despair! I walked to his jumping spot, expecting to find his tender fluffy body lying motionless while his soul drifted toward squirrel heaven. But, he was on the floor in the foyer of the house, eating goldfish crackers. He had found the escape! Our salvation was here!
Moral of the story: Stay away from shelters that have that Hotel California feel – you can check out any time you like but you can never leave.
Note to house owner: Sorry about the wires in the attic. And next time, how about a little water with the goldfish crackers?
Anonymous Squirrel, New England - I enjoy hanging upside down from ceilings as I scout out my surroundings.
It seems the Whisker Gifters Blog is becoming the place for squirrel contributors. If there are any groundhogs, picas or common marmosets wishing to contribute, please do so.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
"You'll Find Me with the Goldfish"
By Anonymous Squirrel, New England
Fall was approaching and it was getting cold in New England. I came across a house with cedar siding and found myself a little hole to crawl into. As luck would have it, my kids found me and crawled in, too. Being of the New England pioneering squirrel spirit, we decided that Manifest Destiny was ours, and spread out into the walls and ceilings of the house.
We lived there happily for a day or two until strange things started happening. We heard a lot of barking coming from within the house. We noticed that as we ran along the walls, the barking followed us. Next came the guy in a uniform who plugged our entrance hole with caulk. That dog had dropped the dime on us.
I comforted my babies as we searched desperately for an escape. We were hungry and tired, but we knew we could never quit. Softly, we hummed an old spiritual that our fore-squirrels hummed as they fought for independence in the war against the red tail hawks.
I scratched my last will and testament into a support beam, leaving all of my acorns to my favorite nephew. Then I saw a bright light. Oh, the end was near! I told myself to be brave and strong for my children, in this, our final hour. Then one baby jumped into the light. Oh, the despair! I walked to his jumping spot, expecting to find his tender fluffy body lying motionless while his soul drifted toward squirrel heaven. But, he was on the floor in the foyer of the house, eating goldfish crackers. He had found the escape! Our salvation was here!
Moral of the story: Stay away from shelters that have that Hotel California feel – you can check out any time you like but you can never leave.
Note to house owner: Sorry about the wires in the attic. And next time, how about a little water with the goldfish crackers?
Anonymous Squirrel, New England - I enjoy hanging upside down from ceilings as I scout out my surroundings.
It seems the Whisker Gifters Blog is becoming the place for squirrel contributors. If there are any groundhogs, picas or common marmosets wishing to contribute, please do so.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
- Wednesday, July 15: Baron requests a retention bonus from AIG
- Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
Get Your Caffeine Buzz On
Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"The best way to the bottom of an iced coffee tumbler is a really long tongue"
By Eddy S., Chicago, IL
My name is Eddy. I am a 12-year old Husky. I was adopted long ago in a cemetery in South Dakota. True story. I was found by a friend of a friend (who is undead)…and the rest is history. I’m not one of those fancy crystal blue-eyed huskies. I have amber-colored eyes and a light pink nose. I kinda like having a different look. Now I live in Chicago - it’s a big beautiful city. I live in a modern townhouse right on the beach of Lake Michigan. On special days, I get to run along the shore early in the morning when it is not populated with humans and my fellow butt-sniffers. That is the best part of my day…well that and eating people food.
I heart coffee-flavored treats. On hot days, my favorite treat is the bottom of the iced coffee cooler. By the time mom is almost done, it’s my turn to clean the plastic tumbler. And I do so with fervor. Huskies know how darn hot summer can be; frozen coffee treats rock my canine world. People love to watch me get after that coffee-y goodness. Sometimes the tall plastic container is troublesome, but I always find a way to lick it all clean. Is anyone done with their iced coffee drink? Please hook a husky up.
Eddy S., Chicago, IL enjoying a day at the beach before his coffee break.
At this very moment, Jester and I are drooling. Is there anything better on a hot summer day than relaxing at the beach with an iced coffee? Readers, let us know what your favorite summer drinks are.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
"The best way to the bottom of an iced coffee tumbler is a really long tongue"
By Eddy S., Chicago, IL
My name is Eddy. I am a 12-year old Husky. I was adopted long ago in a cemetery in South Dakota. True story. I was found by a friend of a friend (who is undead)…and the rest is history. I’m not one of those fancy crystal blue-eyed huskies. I have amber-colored eyes and a light pink nose. I kinda like having a different look. Now I live in Chicago - it’s a big beautiful city. I live in a modern townhouse right on the beach of Lake Michigan. On special days, I get to run along the shore early in the morning when it is not populated with humans and my fellow butt-sniffers. That is the best part of my day…well that and eating people food.
I heart coffee-flavored treats. On hot days, my favorite treat is the bottom of the iced coffee cooler. By the time mom is almost done, it’s my turn to clean the plastic tumbler. And I do so with fervor. Huskies know how darn hot summer can be; frozen coffee treats rock my canine world. People love to watch me get after that coffee-y goodness. Sometimes the tall plastic container is troublesome, but I always find a way to lick it all clean. Is anyone done with their iced coffee drink? Please hook a husky up.
Eddy S., Chicago, IL enjoying a day at the beach before his coffee break.
At this very moment, Jester and I are drooling. Is there anything better on a hot summer day than relaxing at the beach with an iced coffee? Readers, let us know what your favorite summer drinks are.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
- Tuesday, July 14: Anonymous Squirrel, New England, draws a parallel between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California
- Wednesday, July 15: Baron requests a retention bonus from AIG
- Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Cone of Shame
Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"It's Tough to Eat Shrimp on the Barbie While Wearing a Cone"
By Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL
About four years ago, as a rescued Aussie, I hit the dog lottery. I was nine then and not many people want an older dog. But me adoptive parents recognized the cool fellow I am and how I knew all the important dog stuff already – house trained, came with commands sit, stay, wait, down and, of course, the "sit on all furniture and be tiny on the bed while looking darling" skills.
Recently I had some minor surgery to take off some bump thingies that old guys like me develop. Of course my mom got me one of those newfangled cone things to prevent me from chewing. First she came up with the blowup thing that went around me neck but that didn't work very well. So she got the dreaded cone. But she got the new fabric kind that is padded and flexible. I really like it. I tell her all the time with my fabulous voice to put it back on after I eat.
My mom went to see the movie "Up" and now she keeps asking me about the "cone of shame". I don't get it??I think I look especially handsome when I wear it and have no shame.
Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL
Thank you, Mr. Pepper Man, for letting us know about the new types of cones on the market. Neither Jester nor I have yet to accessorize with a cone. What style would you recommend for a red carpet event?
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
Baron and I apologize for being remiss and not actually posting the guest columns according to schedule. We'll try to do better next week.
"It's Tough to Eat Shrimp on the Barbie While Wearing a Cone"
By Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL
About four years ago, as a rescued Aussie, I hit the dog lottery. I was nine then and not many people want an older dog. But me adoptive parents recognized the cool fellow I am and how I knew all the important dog stuff already – house trained, came with commands sit, stay, wait, down and, of course, the "sit on all furniture and be tiny on the bed while looking darling" skills.
Recently I had some minor surgery to take off some bump thingies that old guys like me develop. Of course my mom got me one of those newfangled cone things to prevent me from chewing. First she came up with the blowup thing that went around me neck but that didn't work very well. So she got the dreaded cone. But she got the new fabric kind that is padded and flexible. I really like it. I tell her all the time with my fabulous voice to put it back on after I eat.
My mom went to see the movie "Up" and now she keeps asking me about the "cone of shame". I don't get it??I think I look especially handsome when I wear it and have no shame.
Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL
Thank you, Mr. Pepper Man, for letting us know about the new types of cones on the market. Neither Jester nor I have yet to accessorize with a cone. What style would you recommend for a red carpet event?
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
Baron and I apologize for being remiss and not actually posting the guest columns according to schedule. We'll try to do better next week.
- Monday, July 13: Eddy S., Chicago, IL gets his caffeine buzz on
- Tuesday, July 14: Anonymous Squirrel, New England, draws a parallel between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California
- Wednesday, July 15: Baron requests a retention bonus from AIG
- Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Power of Naming
Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"You Named Us. Now It's Our Turn"
By Kumba W., Springfield, MA
We were out on a walk the other day and I came across a couple of friends. There was Pouncer, the Doberman/shepherd mix and Bruno, the cocker spaniel. It got me thinking – what’s with these names that humans give us? From what legal treatise do they derive the right and power to give us names that others mock? My humans named me Kumba. Sure, kinda cute. Whatever. If I had a rawhide for every time I heard someone sing, “Cumbayah.”
So, I was thinking that we should all band together and name our humans. I’ll go first, since it’s my idea. For my big male human, I want a name that truly reflects how special he is to me. He walks me, feeds me, and sometimes let’s me sneak into the big bed. Yet there is one thing about him that really sets him apart from any other human. He seems utterly incapable of watching where he walks. How exactly does he not see my 65 pound black body sprawled across the white tile floor? Hard to miss, I’m sure. Sometimes he gets the paw, sometimes he gets the tail. One day he got the ear. That was a bad day for all of us. I’m going to name him, “Watch where you’re going.”
Then there’s the female human. She’s pretty good to me, but she thinks she’s a dog whisperer. I humor her because she keeps one hand in the treat jar. Total push over. . The only problem with her is in the morning. I can be sitting at the door, bladder overflowing, screaming to go outside, but if she hasn’t had her coffee yet, forget it. Her response to my screaming? She fills my water bowl. Brilliant. And that’s what I’d name her – “Brilliant.”
Next there’s one of those younger humans. He’s pretty cool. The only problem with him is that he feels compelled to cover me with blankets and tuck me in when I’m sleeping on the couch. In August. When it’s 95 degrees. Hello? Can you not see my thick coat of black fur? Or perhaps you somehow overlooked that I’m panting so hard my tongue is hanging 12 inches out of my mouth? I’d name him “Blanket Boy.”
Finally, there’s the smallest human in my house. He’s very gentle and has never even pulled my tail or an ear. Seems pretty sweet. But can someone tell me why it is nearly impossible for him to look before he sits down? How many times have I been peacefully napping, dreaming of 3 foot long bully sticks and a nice rabbit to chase when Bam! The kid sits on my paw. Or my tail. Once he got my head. Pretty sure he’d not appreciate my butt on his head. He’s clearly related to that big human I’ve named “Watch where you’re going.” I’m going to name this little one “Watch where you’re sitting.”
So, I feel better. Now it’s your turn. What would you name your humans?
That’s all I have time for today. I’ve got to shut down this computer, drink from the toilet, eat the tissue out of the garbage can, and pee on the rug before my humans get home.
All for now. Thanks for reading my Dog Blog.
Kumba W., who should have been named Cher, enjoys wearing blue contacts because they bring out the sheen in her black fur.
So, feline and canine readers. What would you name your humans? Let us know.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
"You Named Us. Now It's Our Turn"
By Kumba W., Springfield, MA
We were out on a walk the other day and I came across a couple of friends. There was Pouncer, the Doberman/shepherd mix and Bruno, the cocker spaniel. It got me thinking – what’s with these names that humans give us? From what legal treatise do they derive the right and power to give us names that others mock? My humans named me Kumba. Sure, kinda cute. Whatever. If I had a rawhide for every time I heard someone sing, “Cumbayah.”
So, I was thinking that we should all band together and name our humans. I’ll go first, since it’s my idea. For my big male human, I want a name that truly reflects how special he is to me. He walks me, feeds me, and sometimes let’s me sneak into the big bed. Yet there is one thing about him that really sets him apart from any other human. He seems utterly incapable of watching where he walks. How exactly does he not see my 65 pound black body sprawled across the white tile floor? Hard to miss, I’m sure. Sometimes he gets the paw, sometimes he gets the tail. One day he got the ear. That was a bad day for all of us. I’m going to name him, “Watch where you’re going.”
Then there’s the female human. She’s pretty good to me, but she thinks she’s a dog whisperer. I humor her because she keeps one hand in the treat jar. Total push over. . The only problem with her is in the morning. I can be sitting at the door, bladder overflowing, screaming to go outside, but if she hasn’t had her coffee yet, forget it. Her response to my screaming? She fills my water bowl. Brilliant. And that’s what I’d name her – “Brilliant.”
Next there’s one of those younger humans. He’s pretty cool. The only problem with him is that he feels compelled to cover me with blankets and tuck me in when I’m sleeping on the couch. In August. When it’s 95 degrees. Hello? Can you not see my thick coat of black fur? Or perhaps you somehow overlooked that I’m panting so hard my tongue is hanging 12 inches out of my mouth? I’d name him “Blanket Boy.”
Finally, there’s the smallest human in my house. He’s very gentle and has never even pulled my tail or an ear. Seems pretty sweet. But can someone tell me why it is nearly impossible for him to look before he sits down? How many times have I been peacefully napping, dreaming of 3 foot long bully sticks and a nice rabbit to chase when Bam! The kid sits on my paw. Or my tail. Once he got my head. Pretty sure he’d not appreciate my butt on his head. He’s clearly related to that big human I’ve named “Watch where you’re going.” I’m going to name this little one “Watch where you’re sitting.”
So, I feel better. Now it’s your turn. What would you name your humans?
That’s all I have time for today. I’ve got to shut down this computer, drink from the toilet, eat the tissue out of the garbage can, and pee on the rug before my humans get home.
All for now. Thanks for reading my Dog Blog.
Kumba W., who should have been named Cher, enjoys wearing blue contacts because they bring out the sheen in her black fur.
Editor's Note: Full disclosure. Kumba W. is the cousin of June 24 guest columnist Sheppy J.Kumba, we can't thank you enough for your column today. I'm sure most of us have been wondering how in the world our humans come up with the names they do. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, maybe they'll put a little more thought into it.
So, feline and canine readers. What would you name your humans? Let us know.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
- Wednesday, July 8: Eddy S., Chicago, IL gets his caffeine buzz on
- Thursday, July 9: Anonymous Squirrel, New England, draws a parallel between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California
- Friday, July 10: Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL discusses technological advances in "the cone of shame"
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Confessions of a Formerly Feral Feline
WARNING: RATED NC-S
CONTAINS MATERIAL NOT SUITED FOR SQUIRRELS
Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"Confessions of a Formerly Feral Feline"
By Minnie M., Tampa, FL
Before, I was one of about a dozen cats hanging out at a house in the cul-de-sac. The old couple living there fed us and had us all neutered/spayed. It was an OK place to live, but too crowded. I had issues with the Siamese. I moved on to the house three doors away.
Flipper was an old cat there who was very sick. We spoke through the patio screen. He asked me to stay with his humans after he was gone. So I did. It took me awhile to learn to trust them. Every day they put out some pretty decent cat chow. I got closer and closer. Eventually, I let them touch me. I found out that being petted is great – especially the scratch under the chin!
Recently, I've been coming inside every night. I watch a little TV, (usually a reality show or an old movie) fall asleep on the couch and then move on to the bed around 10 pm. I miss the occasional squirrel I used to eat, but now I'm addicted to Fancy Feast Trout canned food. I'm grateful for the flea treatment I get once a month. They bought me a brush (love it!) and a stuffed bird (hate it!). Real birds are so much better as toys don't you think?
I still prefer to be outside, even though I have to share space under the deck with a stupid possum family. Sometimes I fall off the wagon and drink out of the pool. Overall, I recommend the domesticated life.
Minnie M., Tampa, FL - My hobbies are squirrel hunting, napping in the mulch and begging for canned food.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
CONTAINS MATERIAL NOT SUITED FOR SQUIRRELS
Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"Confessions of a Formerly Feral Feline"
By Minnie M., Tampa, FL
Before, I was one of about a dozen cats hanging out at a house in the cul-de-sac. The old couple living there fed us and had us all neutered/spayed. It was an OK place to live, but too crowded. I had issues with the Siamese. I moved on to the house three doors away.
Flipper was an old cat there who was very sick. We spoke through the patio screen. He asked me to stay with his humans after he was gone. So I did. It took me awhile to learn to trust them. Every day they put out some pretty decent cat chow. I got closer and closer. Eventually, I let them touch me. I found out that being petted is great – especially the scratch under the chin!
Recently, I've been coming inside every night. I watch a little TV, (usually a reality show or an old movie) fall asleep on the couch and then move on to the bed around 10 pm. I miss the occasional squirrel I used to eat, but now I'm addicted to Fancy Feast Trout canned food. I'm grateful for the flea treatment I get once a month. They bought me a brush (love it!) and a stuffed bird (hate it!). Real birds are so much better as toys don't you think?
I still prefer to be outside, even though I have to share space under the deck with a stupid possum family. Sometimes I fall off the wagon and drink out of the pool. Overall, I recommend the domesticated life.
Minnie M., Tampa, FL - My hobbies are squirrel hunting, napping in the mulch and begging for canned food.
Editor's Note: It is not the editorial policy of this blog to censor guest columnists. Our intention is simply to expose our readers to a variety of viewpoints to which they may not have access by other means. Sometimes, those viewpoints may differ from our own. Therefore, while we respect her choices as a free feline, we neither condone nor support Minnie M.'s "occasional squirrel" as a food choice or her penchant for "squirrel hunting". Our sincere apologizies to Lucky E., our guest columnist of June 29, for any mental anguish this article may have caused.
Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
- Tuesday, July 7: Kumba W., Springfield, MA discusses the power of naming and renames everyone in her family
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