Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Why Do Cats Shred Paper?

As an expert on cat behavior and lunacy, I am often asked why cats shred paper. Before I answer this question, let me just say that I, for one, have never engaged in this type of anti-social, psychotic behavior. I am extremely well-behaved. I never do anything that makes my humans mad, like sleeping on the kitchen counters or snatching a chicken leg off a dinner plate. Seriously. (I prefer white meat.)

My little brother, however, is another story. You may remember Sheppy J. from a previous post, A Cat's Fourth Amendment Rights. He is a very, very naughty cat. Not only does he lose his toys regularly, he shreds paper like it's going out of style. Paper towels, tissues, newspapers, magazines, even library books. Oops...maybe I shouldn't have written that. Scratch that. HA! No pun intended. Before our humans hid the toilet paper in the cabinet under the sink, he would unroll it, shred it and leave it all over the bathroom.

While humans are more focused on trying to understand why cats shred paper, I think it's more important to focus on why cats don't clean up the paper after they've shred it. The answer is so obvious it's painful: We have taken our cues from plumbers, painters and appliance installers. Let's look at the similarities: They track mud from room to room, we track cat litter from room to room. They leave giant gobs of caulk smack dab in the middle of the floor, we leave giant gobs of hairball barf smack dab in the middle of the floor.

If you want your cat to get a job, hire him out as a plumber, not a mouser. He's probably more than qualified.

Director of Cat Stuff

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