Draw a Pig Personality Test

The way you draw a pig says a lot about your personality.  At least according to the developers of the "Draw a Pig Personality Test" it does.  Jester and I both took the test.  I had a bit of trouble holding the mouse without opposable thumbs.  And Jester hasn't been declawed, so he scratched up his mouse pad pretty badly.  But we learned quite a bit about ourselves.

We're not sure if the "Draw a Pig Personality Test" reveals as much as the MMPI or a Rorschach test, but it is more fun.  (And less stressful.)  We're going to spend some time trying to put this newly found knowledge to good use. 

If you'd like to take the "Draw a Pig Personality Test" or gain some insight into our personalities, follow the links below.

• Take the "Draw a Pig Personality Test" here.
• View my personality test results here.
•  View Jester's results here.

To share your results with us, send us the link to your drawing.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Whisker Gifters

Tuesday Treat Haiku - Whole Life Liver Treats

Tuesday Treat Haiku
(Oops…today is Wednesday.  But, from now on we’ll post our Tuesday Treat Haiku on Tuesdays.)

Cats and dogs can’t trick
Or treat but will wear costumes
For Whole Life Liver

If you'd like to write a Tuesday Treat Haiku, email it to jester@whiskergifters.com or baron@whiskergifters.com.

Hugs,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

What to Expect as Your Cat Ages

Humans are often anxious about what to expect as their cats age.  It really should come as no surprise that cats age in very similar ways to humans, albeit faster.  From wanting the kids to turn down the music to an inability to handle a change in eating habits, your cat may also spend a lot of time wondering if he’s lived up to his true potential and has experienced all that life has to offer.

Below I’ve listed five other things you can expect your cat to experience as he ages.

1) Expect he’ll receive more mailings from AARP
There’s no better organization than AARP at tracking down those of us who are getting a little long in the tooth.  Depending on how close he is to 50, your cat may begin to receive regular mailings detailing the benefits of membership.  If he drives, it may behoove him to join AARP to take advantage of lower car insurance rates.

2) Expect him to put a larger percentage of his salary into his 401K
It’s no secret that cats are living longer.  Better nutrition, advances in medical care and increased public awareness about the dangers of black market catnip have all contributed to healthier lives for many of us.  If your cat wants to continue living the lifestyle he had before retirement, he’ll probably start socking more money away each month.

3) Expect him to get a little thicker around the middle
It happens to the best of us.  We get a little achy and tired and don’t exercise as much as we should.  If we don’t reduce our caloric intake, it won’t be long before we put on a few pounds in the wrong places.  While a tiny little bit of extra weight may not be so bad, don’t let it get out of paw.

4) Expect he’ll be more concerned about the future viability of Social Security
The asset-challenged agency has been in the news frequently over the past several years.  Your cat might be concerned that his piece of the Social Security pie may not be available as he nears retirement.  Afterall, if he’s been paying into the system all these years, he’s going to feel he deserves to get his money back.

5) Expect him to discuss his bowel habits with anyone who will listen
This might be the most disturbing sign that your cat is aging.  But, if you’ve spent time with elderly people in Florida, you’ll be used to it.

As your cat ages, you can expect him to experience new challenges just as you will.  But, if you help him meet those challenges head-on, maybe the two of you can age gracefully together.

Would you like to become a Whisker Gifters Blog Guest Columnist?  We'd love to hear from you.

Sincerely,
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Guest Columnist Dr. Susan Wright - Alcohol and Drugs in Dogs

Today's guest columnist is Dr. Susan Wright.  Her article, "Alcohol and Drugs in Dogs" provides some helpful tips and advice for your humans if you get into things you shouldn't.  If you happen to get caught with alcohol or drugs, I can tell you from experience that using the excuse, "I was just holding it for a friend" doesn't really work.

It's not uncommon for dogs to be presented to their veterinarian with vague symptoms including drowsiness, staggering and sometimes vomiting. After examining the dog, and questioning the owner, some of these dogs are diagnosed as being drunk or stoned!

Who would knowingly give their dogs illicit drugs? No doubt there are some who would do that, but in many cases, these dogs accidentally get intoxicated.

You may be surprised to learn that dogs can become inebriated from eating bread dough. The yeast in the bread dough ferments in your dog's stomach, and produces alcohol. This has the same effect as drinking a glass of beer. Dogs will certainly drink an alcoholic drink if it's left on the floor - liqueurs in particular are very sweet and dogs enjoy the taste.

Alcohol poisoning occurs if a dog drinks between 5 and 8 ml of alcohol per kilo body weight. That’s not ml of whiskey or wine, it’s ml of alcohol. We’ll need to do some mathematics here. Whiskey may contain up to 70% alcohol, which means that in a 30ml “nip”, there’s 21 ml of actual alcohol. That’s more than enough to cause severe poisoning in a 3-4 kg Chihuahua.

Symptoms of alcohol poisoning in dogs are similar to those in people. His breath will smell of alcohol, and he'll be unsteady on his feet. He may become very excitable, or he may fall asleep and be difficult to wake. Drinking alcohol can lead to coma and cardiac arrest so you do need to get in touch with your vet.

Your dog will usually make a full recovery providing he hasn't drunk the bar dry, and treatment is started early. Treatment is activated charcoal to stop any more alcohol being absorbed by your dog's system, and an intravenous drip to speed up excretion of the alcohol in his bloodstream.

Marijuana is also something your dog shouldn't include in his daily diet. Most dogs become intoxicated when they steal some cookies containing the drug. The good news is that marijuana intoxication isn't usually fatal, and most dogs recover within 24 hours.

Symptoms in dogs are again similar to those in humans. Your dog will be wobbly on his feet, and behave as if he is drunk. He may have dilated pupils and a slow heart rate. About 30% of dogs will vomit after eating marijuana, which will stop them absorbing any more drug.

If your dog has eaten your cookies within the last half hour, you can make him vomit them up. Call your vet for instructions on how to do this. Again, activated charcoal will reduce further absorption. If he's getting agitated, your vet may prescribe some valium to calm him down.

If your dog gets hold of your alcohol or marijuana, it's not only expensive, but it's not good for his health. Keep them well out of his reach, and you'll both be better off.

This article was written by Dr. Susan Wright for Dog Fence DIY.  Dog Fence DIY shows pet owners how to create a pet containment system for their home and train their pet on how to use it.  They stock a wide variety of systems from leading manufacturers like Innotek, PetSafe, and SportDog including the acclaimed Innotek IUC 5100.

Thank you, Dr. Wright, for reminding us to be a bit more careful when sneaking drinks out of the glasses of our human significant others.  I for one, will also lay off the brownies from now on.  I was wondering why the heck I was getting the munchies after eating those brownies.

Would you like to become a Whisker Gifters Blog Guest Columnist?  We'd love to hear from you.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff

Cash for Clunkers Trade In

As evidenced by the recent uptick in GDP, the Whisker Gifters Cash for Clunkers program has been an incredible success.

The most recent trade in request was sent to us from Sirius Black and White of Port Washington, NY.  His story and a photo of the clunker he's trading in are below.

Hi Jester,
I don't want to brag but they don't make toys strong enough for me.  When I play tug it's the toy that loses.  I got this toy about 3 months ago and it was fun until all the stuffing came out.  Eww, it didn't feel good on my tongue.

My name is Sirius Black and White, but everyone calls me Sirius.

Thank you, Sirius Black and White, for sharing your story with us.  We can put a man on the moon but we can't come up with an edible dog toy stuffing.

We'll send Sirius a coupon good for 10% off his next purchase at WhiskerGifters.com.

If you have a dog toy, cat toy or dog chew you'd like to trade in, visit the Whisker Gifters Cash for Clunkers page at WhiskerGifters.com.

Jester, Director of Cat Stuff
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff

Why Do People Believe Cats are Psychic?

The belief that cats have innate psychic abilities is a belief held by many people. The cat goddesses Bast and Sekhmet of ancient Egypt may be responsible for this. Or, maybe it was born of more modern times because cats tend to have psychic hallucinations after eating catnip. Whatever the beginnings, when a cat owner asks me how to determine the psychic ability of her cat, I ask her whether or not her cat knows she’s pondering this. If the cat does not know, he is not psychic. But, if the cat is aware of the question, further testing is in order.

10 Reasons a Cat Brings Home Live Prey

Why does a cat bring home live prey? Why not.

If that's not a good enough answer, how about these?

1. He needs to put up mouse and squirrel preserves for the winter
2. He doesn’t know the words to the song the bird in the yard is singing
3. He can’t get to the store to buy an appropriate gift for his human
4. He’s tired of being compared to his big-cat cousins
5. Faux fur mice don’t taste as good
6. Peer pressure
7. He wants to impress his girlfriend
8. Because he can
9. He quit smoking and needs a new vice
10. It’s more exciting than bringing home dead prey

Comments? Questions? More reasons? Let me know.

Jester
Director of Cat Stuff

Cash For Clunkers Extended

Cash for Cat Toy, Dog Toy and Dog Chew Clunkers Program

We’ve just voted to extend the Cash for Clunkers program! Trade in your old, slimy cat toy clunker, dog toy clunker or dog chew clunker for a brand new one at WhiskerGifters.com. While we can’t afford to give you a $4,500 rebate (and really, what cat toy, dog toy or dog chew is worth $4,500 – except, of course, the one that saves the $4,500 couch) we can afford to give you a coupon worth 10% off your entire order at WhiskerGifters.com.

Cash For Cat Toy, Dog Toy and Dog Chew Clunkers FAQ

What Qualifies as a Clunker?
Any cat toy, dog toy or dog chew that is:

1. covered with dried cat or dog spit
2. full of dirt, fur or other icky stuff
3. half-eaten or devoid of its original stuffing
   
4. caked with grease from spending months hidden under the stove
5. touched only by humans wearing gloves

How Do I Trade In My Old Clunker?
Let us be clear. This is not truly a “Trade In” program. After all, if your old clunker were full of spit, dried or otherwise, why would we want it? To get the 10% off coupon, though, follow these simple steps:

1. Take a picture of the clunker you want to trade in
   
2. Write a short (50 words or less) description of your clunker - how long you've had it, how much joy it's given you and why you're ready to move on
   
3. Email the picture and description along with your name (your name, not your human significant other's name) and email address to jester@whiskergifters.com or baron@whiskergifters.com.

We’ll post the picture and description on our Cash for Clunkers page and send you a coupon worth 10% off your entire order at WhiskerGifters.com.*

Why Are You Offering Cash for Clunkers?
By getting rid of your old clunkers, you’re helping to not only save the environment, but also to save the jobs of catnip growers across the country as they account for at least .00000134% of GDP.**

*If you don’t have a picture and description, send us your email address and we’ll send you the coupon anyway.
**We don’t really know this for a fact.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

How to Keep Your Pet on Good Terms with Your Landlord

For those of you interested in keeping your pet and your landlord on good terms, we're here to help. We've given countless humans advice on how to instruct their pets in the proper methods of behavior toward landlords. Landlords are not that difficult to figure out, but you do need to prepare your pet in order for him to put his best paw forward.

When talking to your pet about your landlord, and your landlord about your pet, it’s important for you to realize that your job is to act as facilitator. You cannot change your pet’s actions or your landlord’s attitudes. Your role is simply to negotiate a living arrangement that works for all of you.

Do not resort to threatening your pet with phrases like, “We’ll be homeless if you bring another dead mouse into this apartment” or “If you don’t stop barking I’ll really give you something to bark about.” It’s best to just sit down with your pet and calmly, yet firmly, explain the importance of the situation with him. Herewith, then, are three suggestions on bringing your pet and landlord closer together.

1) Have Your Pet Invite Your Landlord to Dinner
By hosting a dinner for your landlord, your pet will have the opportunity to prove that he is a responsible tenant. Over a glass of wine or appetizers, try to steer the conversation toward topics your pet can speak intelligently about, such as the benefits of a raw food diet, organic toys or bully sticks. Make sure that throughout the course of the evening he lets your landlord know that he will try not to make noise that disturbs other tenants. He should also respond to any concerns your landlord may have about the potential for damage.

2) Have Your Pet Send Your Landlord a Gift
Having your pet send a small gift such as a bottle of wine or a gift basket will keep him first and foremost in your landlord’s mind when it comes to lease renewal. Depending on your pet’s maturity level and income bracket, it’s up to you whether or not you let him select the gift to be sent.

3) Have Your Pet Pay for Your Landlord’s Child’s College Education
You and your pet need only resort to this option if your pet has committed a seriously destructive offense against the apartment.

Follow these simple suggestions and your landlord may want your pet to stay in the apartment even if you move.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

How To Save Money on Cat Food

By Jester
(I first published this article on Helium.com.)

Humans and cats have disagreed for decades on the best ways to save money on cat food. Humans have historically answered this question by focusing on feeding cats less. Cats have wondered why their humans don’t get second jobs in order to continue feeding them in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed. Some snarkier cats I know have been known to say, “Well, why not just toss me a saltine and bowl of water? That’ll really save some dough.”

I believe it’s time for us to sit at the negotiating table with our humans and prove to them that it’s less expensive and less work to eat cat food than it is to eat human food.

Let’s sort through the issues logically and systematically, shall we?

1) The Cost of Cat Food vs. the Cost of Human Food
I’m not an accountant, but it seems to me that a can of cat food, even really yummy, healthy food like a 5.5 oz can of Weruva Marbella Paella, when purchased by the case, is only a whisker more than a 5.0 oz can of tuna (solid white, packed in water) for humans. By the time you add three tablespoons of mayo, two slices of bread, a piece of lettuce, a slice of tomato, some chips, a pickle, a cupcake, a napkin and the dish soap to wash the plate, it is more expensive to eat tuna than it is cat food.

Score: Cat Food 1 – Human Food 0

2) A Cat’s Shopping Cart vs. A Human’s Shopping Cart
Cats are obligate carnivores. That means we get everything we need from meat. Oh, you should throw us a bone every now and then so we can get a little calcium, but you don’t need to put anything else in a our shopping cart. What’s in a human’s shopping cart? A can of tuna, a jar of mayo, a loaf of bread, a head of lettuce, a tomato, a bag of chips, a jar of pickles, a package of napkins, 12 cupcakes and a bottle of dishwashing liquid. Try carrying all that to the car in the rain. (For the purposes of this article, we are not adding litter or toilet paper to either cart.)

Score: Cat Food 2 – Human Food 0

3) Preparation of Cat Food vs. Preparation of Human Food
It’s a well-known fact within the cat community that cat food companies conspire against us by continuing to package their food in cans. As we do not have opposable thumbs, it is impossible for us to use a can opener. We’ve made some strides toward can equality with the flip top can, but it’s not enough. We remain beholden to those with thumbs to feed us. But I digress. When you consider how long it takes to open a can of tuna, mix it with three tablespoons of mayo, toast two slices of bread, wash and chop a head of lettuce and a tomato, open a bag of chips, a jar of pickles, a package of napkins and the cupcakes before squirting the dishwashing liquid into the sink, it’s easier to serve cat food.

Score: Cat Food 3 – Human Food 0

Conclusion
The above points prove that the question is not how to save money on cat food. It is how to save time and money on human food. Clearly, the answer is to buy more cat food and feed it to the whole family.

Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

Baron Requests a Retention Bonus from AIG

Dear Sirs at AIG in Charge of Retention Bonuses,

I respectfully request a retention bonus of $1,000,000. My qualifications for the retention bonus are as follows:

1. Over the years, I have retained water many times
2. One of the kids in my family used to wear a retainer
3. Even at my advanced age, I am able to jump over (small) retaining walls
4. After paying my bills, I have no retained earnings
5. I know some dogs who are anal retentive

Please make my check payable to “Baron” and mail to:

Whisker Gifters
24 Main St., 2nd Floor
Port Washington, NY 11050

If my check is sent by a method for which a signature is required, please make sure it is delivered between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m., as I leave for lunch at 1:00 p.m. on the dot.

Sincerely,
Baron

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
   

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

A Parallel Between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"You'll Find Me with the Goldfish"

By Anonymous Squirrel, New England

Fall was approaching and it was getting cold in New England. I came across a house with cedar siding and found myself a little hole to crawl into. As luck would have it, my kids found me and crawled in, too. Being of the New England pioneering squirrel spirit, we decided that Manifest Destiny was ours, and spread out into the walls and ceilings of the house.

We lived there happily for a day or two until strange things started happening. We heard a lot of barking coming from within the house. We noticed that as we ran along the walls, the barking followed us. Next came the guy in a uniform who plugged our entrance hole with caulk. That dog had dropped the dime on us.

I comforted my babies as we searched desperately for an escape. We were hungry and tired, but we knew we could never quit. Softly, we hummed an old spiritual that our fore-squirrels hummed as they fought for independence in the war against the red tail hawks.

I scratched my last will and testament into a support beam, leaving all of my acorns to my favorite nephew. Then I saw a bright light. Oh, the end was near! I told myself to be brave and strong for my children, in this, our final hour. Then one baby jumped into the light. Oh, the despair! I walked to his jumping spot, expecting to find his tender fluffy body lying motionless while his soul drifted toward squirrel heaven. But, he was on the floor in the foyer of the house, eating goldfish crackers. He had found the escape! Our salvation was here!

Moral of the story: Stay away from shelters that have that Hotel California feel – you can check out any time you like but you can never leave.

Note to house owner: Sorry about the wires in the attic. And next time, how about a little water with the goldfish crackers?


Anonymous Squirrel, New England - I enjoy hanging upside down from ceilings as I scout out my surroundings.

It seems the Whisker Gifters Blog is becoming the place for squirrel contributors. If there are any groundhogs, picas or common marmosets wishing to contribute, please do so.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Wednesday, July 15: Baron requests a retention bonus from AIG
2. Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
   

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

Get Your Caffeine Buzz On

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"The best way to the bottom of an iced coffee tumbler is a really long tongue"

By Eddy S., Chicago, IL

My name is Eddy. I am a 12-year old Husky. I was adopted long ago in a cemetery in South Dakota. True story. I was found by a friend of a friend (who is undead)…and the rest is history. I’m not one of those fancy crystal blue-eyed huskies. I have amber-colored eyes and a light pink nose. I kinda like having a different look. Now I live in Chicago - it’s a big beautiful city. I live in a modern townhouse right on the beach of Lake Michigan. On special days, I get to run along the shore early in the morning when it is not populated with humans and my fellow butt-sniffers. That is the best part of my day…well that and eating people food.

I heart coffee-flavored treats. On hot days, my favorite treat is the bottom of the iced coffee cooler. By the time mom is almost done, it’s my turn to clean the plastic tumbler. And I do so with fervor. Huskies know how darn hot summer can be; frozen coffee treats rock my canine world. People love to watch me get after that coffee-y goodness. Sometimes the tall plastic container is troublesome, but I always find a way to lick it all clean. Is anyone done with their iced coffee drink? Please hook a husky up.


Eddy S., Chicago, IL enjoying a day at the beach before his coffee break.

At this very moment, Jester and I are drooling. Is there anything better on a hot summer day than relaxing at the beach with an iced coffee? Readers, let us know what your favorite summer drinks are.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Tuesday, July 14: Anonymous Squirrel, New England, draws a parallel between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California
   
2. Wednesday, July 15: Baron requests a retention bonus from AIG
3. Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
   

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

The Cone of Shame

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"It's Tough to Eat Shrimp on the Barbie While Wearing a Cone"

By Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL

About four years ago, as a rescued Aussie, I hit the dog lottery. I was nine then and not many people want an older dog. But me adoptive parents recognized the cool fellow I am and how I knew all the important dog stuff already – house trained, came with commands sit, stay, wait, down and, of course, the "sit on all furniture and be tiny on the bed while looking darling" skills.

Recently I had some minor surgery to take off some bump thingies that old guys like me develop. Of course my mom got me one of those newfangled cone things to prevent me from chewing. First she came up with the blowup thing that went around me neck but that didn't work very well. So she got the dreaded cone. But she got the new fabric kind that is padded and flexible. I really like it. I tell her all the time with my fabulous voice to put it back on after I eat.

My mom went to see the movie "Up" and now she keeps asking me about the "cone of shame". I don't get it??I think I look especially handsome when I wear it and have no shame.


Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL

Thank you, Mr. Pepper Man, for letting us know about the new types of cones on the market. Neither Jester nor I have yet to accessorize with a cone. What style would you recommend for a red carpet event?

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
Baron and I apologize for being remiss and not actually posting the guest columns according to schedule. We'll try to do better next week.

1. Monday, July 13: Eddy S., Chicago, IL gets his caffeine buzz on
2. Tuesday, July 14: Anonymous Squirrel, New England, draws a parallel between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California
   
3. Wednesday, July 15: Baron requests a retention bonus from AIG
4. Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
   

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

The Power of Naming

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"You Named Us. Now It's Our Turn"

By Kumba W., Springfield, MA

We were out on a walk the other day and I came across a couple of friends. There was Pouncer, the Doberman/shepherd mix and Bruno, the cocker spaniel. It got me thinking – what’s with these names that humans give us? From what legal treatise do they derive the right and power to give us names that others mock? My humans named me Kumba. Sure, kinda cute. Whatever. If I had a rawhide for every time I heard someone sing, “Cumbayah.”

So, I was thinking that we should all band together and name our humans. I’ll go first, since it’s my idea. For my big male human, I want a name that truly reflects how special he is to me. He walks me, feeds me, and sometimes let’s me sneak into the big bed. Yet there is one thing about him that really sets him apart from any other human. He seems utterly incapable of watching where he walks. How exactly does he not see my 65 pound black body sprawled across the white tile floor? Hard to miss, I’m sure. Sometimes he gets the paw, sometimes he gets the tail. One day he got the ear. That was a bad day for all of us. I’m going to name him, “Watch where you’re going.”

Then there’s the female human. She’s pretty good to me, but she thinks she’s a dog whisperer. I humor her because she keeps one hand in the treat jar. Total push over. . The only problem with her is in the morning. I can be sitting at the door, bladder overflowing, screaming to go outside, but if she hasn’t had her coffee yet, forget it. Her response to my screaming? She fills my water bowl. Brilliant. And that’s what I’d name her – “Brilliant.”

Next there’s one of those younger humans. He’s pretty cool. The only problem with him is that he feels compelled to cover me with blankets and tuck me in when I’m sleeping on the couch. In August. When it’s 95 degrees. Hello? Can you not see my thick coat of black fur? Or perhaps you somehow overlooked that I’m panting so hard my tongue is hanging 12 inches out of my mouth? I’d name him “Blanket Boy.”

Finally, there’s the smallest human in my house. He’s very gentle and has never even pulled my tail or an ear. Seems pretty sweet. But can someone tell me why it is nearly impossible for him to look before he sits down? How many times have I been peacefully napping, dreaming of 3 foot long bully sticks and a nice rabbit to chase when Bam! The kid sits on my paw. Or my tail. Once he got my head. Pretty sure he’d not appreciate my butt on his head. He’s clearly related to that big human I’ve named “Watch where you’re going.” I’m going to name this little one “Watch where you’re sitting.”

So, I feel better. Now it’s your turn. What would you name your humans?

That’s all I have time for today. I’ve got to shut down this computer, drink from the toilet, eat the tissue out of the garbage can, and pee on the rug before my humans get home.

All for now. Thanks for reading my Dog Blog.

Kumba W., who should have been named Cher, enjoys wearing blue contacts because they bring out the sheen in her black fur.

Editor's Note: Full disclosure. Kumba W. is the cousin of June 24 guest columnist Sheppy J.

Kumba, we can't thank you enough for your column today. I'm sure most of us have been wondering how in the world our humans come up with the names they do. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, maybe they'll put a little more thought into it.

So, feline and canine readers. What would you name your humans? Let us know.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Wednesday, July 8: Eddy S., Chicago, IL gets his caffeine buzz on
2. Thursday, July 9: Anonymous Squirrel, New England, draws a parallel between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California
   
3. Friday, July 10: Mr. Pepper Man, Tampa, FL discusses technological advances in "the cone of shame"
   

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

Confessions of a Formerly Feral Feline

WARNING: RATED NC-S
CONTAINS MATERIAL NOT SUITED FOR SQUIRRELS

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"Confessions of a Formerly Feral Feline"

By Minnie M., Tampa, FL

Before, I was one of about a dozen cats hanging out at a house in the cul-de-sac. The old couple living there fed us and had us all neutered/spayed. It was an OK place to live, but too crowded. I had issues with the Siamese. I moved on to the house three doors away.

Flipper was an old cat there who was very sick. We spoke through the patio screen. He asked me to stay with his humans after he was gone. So I did. It took me awhile to learn to trust them. Every day they put out some pretty decent cat chow. I got closer and closer. Eventually, I let them touch me. I found out that being petted is great – especially the scratch under the chin!

Recently, I've been coming inside every night. I watch a little TV, (usually a reality show or an old movie) fall asleep on the couch and then move on to the bed around 10 pm. I miss the occasional squirrel I used to eat, but now I'm addicted to Fancy Feast Trout canned food. I'm grateful for the flea treatment I get once a month. They bought me a brush (love it!) and a stuffed bird (hate it!). Real birds are so much better as toys don't you think?

I still prefer to be outside, even though I have to share space under the deck with a stupid possum family. Sometimes I fall off the wagon and drink out of the pool. Overall, I recommend the domesticated life.


Minnie M., Tampa, FL - My hobbies are squirrel hunting, napping in the mulch and begging for canned food.

Editor's Note: It is not the editorial policy of this blog to censor guest columnists. Our intention is simply to expose our readers to a variety of viewpoints to which they may not have access by other means. Sometimes, those viewpoints may differ from our own. Therefore, while we respect her choices as a free feline, we neither condone nor support Minnie M.'s "occasional squirrel" as a food choice or her penchant for "squirrel hunting". Our sincere apologizies to Lucky E., our guest columnist of June 29, for any mental anguish this article may have caused.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Tuesday, July 7: Kumba W., Springfield, MA discusses the power of naming and renames everyone in her family

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.

From Shelter Life to a Manhattan Apartment

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"From Shelter Life to a Manhattan Apartment: Movin' on Up"

By Lila M., New York, NY

Hi. My name is Lila and I'm a one-year-old white poodle mix.

I was adopted from a Long Island shelter last December. The first few days in my new home were really scary. I just wanted to be the best girl I could, so I didn't play fetch or tug of war or anything like that. I didn't even bark! I tried to just be a good puppy so my new family would keep me. The problem was that my new mommy didn't believe I was even a puppy. She thought I was an older doggie!

Baron really helped me to feel at home with my new family. He sent me a yellow Canine Genius as a “welcome to your new home” gift. It came with these delicious little treats that my humines put inside. The gift was a great choice because I could show my family how playful and how smart I really am. It helped to change my mom's mind really fast! I'm so happy, I love my family, and I think Baron's the coolest! He signed me up for their birthday club, and he even sells healthy food! What more could an adorable pooch want?



Lila M., New York, NY - Our friend Lila enjoying a day at the beach.

Thank you Lila, for sharing the story of your first few days with your new family. We all know how stressful the transition from shelter to home can be. We're glad everything is going so well.

Baron and I would like to take a moment to let everyone know about Whisker Cares, our program to help cats and dogs who, unlike Lila, have yet to find their forever homes.

“Everyone is being affected by the current economic crisis in some way, including animals,” said ASPCA President & CEO Ed Sayres. “Community animal shelters and rescue groups across the country could be seeing an increase in the number of homeless pets they must care for, or a decrease in the donations they rely on to care for those animals. There has never been a better time to support your local animal shelter if you are in a position to do so.”*

Baron and I started Whisker Cares to provide support to those organizations making a difference in their communities by helping animals in need. When you shop at WhiskerGifters.com for pet food, treats, supplies and gifts you can choose a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit animal welfare agency to which Baron and I will donate 5% of the order total (excluding tax and shipping). You have the option of choosing an organization you already support such as a local shelter or rescue group, a national agency like the ASPCA or one from the Whisker Cares list, a compilation of organizations with which we're familiar or to which we've previously donated.

To learn more about Whisker Cares or to request an agency be included on the Whisker Cares list, visit our website or send jester an email at jester@whiskergifters.com.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Wednesday, July 1: Minnie M., Tampa, FL regales us with her formerly feral wittiness.
2. Tuesday, July 7: Kumba W., Springfield, MA discusses the power of naming and renames everyone in her family

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.


*ASPCA Press Release ASPCA Estimates Up to 1 Million Pets at Risk During Economic Crisis. Nation’s Oldest Humane Organization Stresses Importance of Supporting Local Animal Shelters. February 5, 2009.

A Day in the Life of a Squirrel

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:

"A Day in the Life of a Squirrel"

By Lucky E., St. Petersburg, FL

Hi Jester,

Lucky the squirrel here. I've been very fortunate to live in several trees at my current residence. My foster parents are loving people who leave nuts out for me. I also forage around the yard, but the pistachios are my favorite meal of the day.

I've had a brood of little ones and they enjoy the yard also. We pretty much ignore the lizards and birds. We definitely stay out of the way of the family of black snakes that reside beneath one of the trees. There is plenty of food all year long between the tangerine tree and vegetable garden my foster parents keep (woops, don't tell them I've been in there).

Unfortunately the gentleman who lives next door to my foster parents doesn't like squirrels and sets traps out weekly. I've only been caught once and I'm happy to say he's kind enough to let us squirrels loose at a nature preserve not far from my home. Please don't tell him how easy it is to get back home (that will be our little secret).

Life is good...

Lucky



Lucky E., St. Petersburg, FL - Fearing retribution from his foster parents for his escapades in the tangerine tree and vegetable garden, Lucky E. felt it best not to provide any personal details or a real photo. Many thanks to FreeDigitalPhotos.net for helping keep Lucky E.'s identity safe.

Jester and I want to thank Lucky E. for his column today. It's a brave squirrel who lives near snakes and a neighbor with a trap. Now that I know some of the trials and tribulations of a squirrel's life, I will be less inclined to chase them about the yard. (Less inclined doesn't mean I have to stop completely, does it?)

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Tuesday, June 30: Lila M., New York, NY tells us about her adjustment from shelter life on Long Island to apartment living in Manhattan.
2. Wednesday, July 1: Minnie M., Tampa, FL regales us with her formerly feral wittiness.

If you have an article you'd like published, don't hesitate to email it to jester@whiskergifters.com.

Next Week's Guest Columnist Schedule

Jester and I were scheduled to run Lucky E.'s guest column today but have spent the majority of the day listening to "Thriller" while watching "Charlie's Angels".

Next week's guest columnist schedule will be:

1. Monday, June 29: Lucky E., St. Petersburg, FL provides a fascinating look at a day in the life of a squirrel.
2. Tuesday, June 30: Lila M., New York, NY tells us about her adjustment from shelter life on Long Island to apartment living in Manhattan.
3. Wednesday, July 1: Minnie M., Tampa, FL regales us with her formerly feral wittiness.

Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

A Cat's Fourth Amendment Rights

Today’s Guest Columnist Topic:
“In Support of Animal Rights: If your human finds and removes the toys you’ve stashed under the refrigerator, has s/he violated your Fourth Amendment right to protection against unreasonable search and seizure?”

By Sheppy J. of Port Washington, NY

As it relates to the search for and seizure of your toys, you must first determine if your human had probable cause. He or she may claim probable cause if:

1. None of your toys were visible in any open area of the domicile for several days
2. You were not seen playing with any toys in any open area of the domicile for several days
3. You were seen lying on the kitchen floor with one or more paws under the refrigerator*
4. You were seen and heard sitting in front of the refrigerator crying

However, you may have a case if:

1. Your human searches for the toys, finds them, but does not play with them
2. Your human says, “These don’t belong under here” and then puts them somewhere else
3. Your human says, “ICK. THESE ARE DISGUSTING!!!” and throws the toys in the garbage

The bottom line in legal terms is this: Try not to let any toys get lost under objects too big for you to move.

*Be very, very careful not to allow hearsay.



Sheppy J., Port Washington, NY – “I’m known in my neighborhood as the “go to cat” when it comes to animal rights and the U.S. Constitution. I like reading, listening to Jane’s Addiction and watching George H.W. Bush skydive.”

Well. That certainly gives all of us a few things to think about, doesn't it? Many thanks to Sheppy J. for illuminating an issue that affects all us. If you have an article you'd like published, don't hesitate to email it to jester@whiskergifters.com.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
Friday, June 26, 2009: Lucky E., St. Petersburg, FL
Lucky provides a fascinating look at a day in the life of a squirrel.

Be a Whisker Gifters Blog Guest Columnist

An Open Call for Submissions

Dear Canine and Feline Friends,

Baron and I are holding an open call for Guest Columnist submissions for the Whisker Gifters Blog. We’d love to publish information about an upcoming benefit, a “thank you” letter to your foster family, your exposè on the illegal bully stick trade, an analysis of the socio-economic impact of addiction to single source protein treats or any other topic of interest to you.

At this very moment, one hamster, three people, five dogs, eight cats, nine fish and several frogs* are reading the latest installment of the Whisker Gifters Blog. With that kind of circulation, your article will go viral in no time.

Here are the guidelines for your submission:

1. Brevity is good. Four to five paragraphs tops.
2. Cleanliness is better. You can express an opinion, but don’t say mean things or use icky language.
3. Information is best. Our readers are always looking to increase their knowledge on a variety of topics.
4. Include an email address, website and/or phone number so hamsters, people, dogs, cats, fish and frogs can contact you if you’d like them to.
5. Email your submission (put the text right in the email, not in a separate document), a photo (no larger than 72 dpi) and a one-line description of yourself or your organization (i.e., “My name is Fluffy G. I’m from Dallas, TX and my hobbies include grooming myself, knocking lamps through windows while chasing bugs and watching “Real Housewives of New Jersey”) to jester@whiskergifters.com.
   

Guest Columnist submissions will be accepted on an ongoing basis, so there's no deadline. But the sooner you submit an article, the sooner we can publish it. If you haven’t already written something, get started!

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule
Wednesday June 24, 2009: Sheppy J., Port Washington, NY
“In Support of Animal Rights: If your human finds and removes the toys you’ve stashed under the refrigerator, has s/he violated your Fourth Amendment right to protection against unreasonable search and seizure?”

The legal beagle wants you to know that once submitted, all articles become the property of Whisker Gifters. Whisker Gifters reserves the right to not publish any article we feel is not in keeping with our standards. We also reserve the right to edit a submission for space. That’s about it. If they think of anything else, they’ll let you know.

*Not really verifiable.

Birthday Parties for Dogs

Hey Dogs!

Did you know that many a dog celebrates his or her birthday with a party? We’re talking a gala complete with guests, games, game (if you live near the woods and have access to a deer or wild turkey) gifts and treats. Did I mention gifts and treats?

If you haven’t yet had a big birthday bash or are in the process of planning one, be sure to download my FREE report, "5 Tips for a Great Birthday Party". It contains sage advice for creating unforgettable fun, jocularity and merriment. Here’s an excerpt:

3) The Food
Unless you’re the type to raid the pantry days before your guests arrive, it’s best to order the treats, cookies and cake ahead of time. If you do most of the prep a day or so before the party, you’ll have more time to open your presents when your guests arrive. As for choosing between a sit-down dinner and buffet, it’s really a matter of personal preference. But I can tell you from experience that if you choose to have a buffet, it’s better to invite your friends with the shortest snouts. Either way, make sure you have enough for leftovers.

Download the complete "5 Tips for a Great Birthday Party" now!

A successful party is, of course, all about the treats. If you need to stock the pantry ahead of the big event, I'm here to help you convince your human significant other to let you use the credit card. Buy your treats at WhiskerGifters.com and you’ll get:

• Free Shipping on All Treats (Even Cat Treats)*
• An Additional 10% Off When You Enter Code WGB-061909

I hope your party is a huge success. Feel free to share your party stories by clicking on the “COMMENTS” button below.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff

*The legal beagle wants me to clarify that free shipping is to anywhere in the US.

Baron’s Postscript: “Join the Birthday Club for Dogs and I’ll send you a free birthday postcard card every year via US mail. That’s right, the US Mail. If we all stop using the postal service because we think the price of a stamp is too high, we won’t have mailmen to chase anymore, will we."

Jester’s Postscript: “I created the Birthday Club for Cats first. Baron copied me.”

Saving a Cat's Soul

Greetings and Salu-tail-tions,
FULL BATHTUB ALERT!!!!!

Are Your Cats Old Enough to Learn About Jesus?

Cats, it appears your humans are looking for yet another excuse to stick you in the tub. This time, it’s under the guise of saving your souls. Eternal or otherwise, Baron and I want to warn you that with salvation comes a very wet head. Yours.

Now, with the economy the way it is, there’s nothing wrong with saving a few souls and putting them away for a rainy day. But, in our opinion, a boom in the forced saving of souls can only lead to a bust in catnip sales. So until I can use my own tongue to wash away sin, I’ll opt for eternal damnation.

Let us know if your human has tried to save you.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Baron’s Postscript - "I would say I'm more spiritual than religious. I can’t really kneel that well anymore."

Jester’s Postscript - "I lived with a foster family until I was 3 months old. They must have been very religious because every time I jumped up on the kitchen counter they yelled, "GOD **** ** JESTER."

The Whisker Gifters Blog – The Inaugural

An Open Letter to America's Pets

Dear Pets,
Did you know that your human significant others are on the internet daily discussing issues concerning you? These discussions are taking place everywhere - in forums, on blogs, in emails. Further, decisions are being made about your life over which you have no control. And it's all being done without your knowledge.

The mission of the Whisker Gifters Blog is to keep you informed on topics that affect your life and matter to you. We won't shy away from hot-button topics such as politics, religion, hemp collars, raw diets or rich and famous dogs.

Trust us to keep you informed.

We'll keep it simple today and leave you with a Haiku.

First blog due today
Hard to meet deadlines without
opposable thumbs

Let us know what you think.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff