Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Dog Haiku for September 29, 2010

As winter comes my
human needs the heavy coat
I use as a bed

Baron
Director of Dog Stuff
WhiskerGifters.com

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Why Do Cats Shred Paper?

As an expert on cat behavior and lunacy, I am often asked why cats shred paper. Before I answer this question, let me just say that I, for one, have never engaged in this type of anti-social, psychotic behavior. I am extremely well-behaved. I never do anything that makes my humans mad, like sleeping on the kitchen counters or snatching a chicken leg off a dinner plate. Seriously. (I prefer white meat.)



My little brother, however, is another story. You may remember Sheppy J. from a previous post, A Cat's Fourth Amendment Rights. He is a very, very naughty cat. Not only does he lose his toys regularly, he shreds paper like it's going out of style. Paper towels, tissues, newspapers, magazines, even library books. Oops...maybe I shouldn't have written that. Scratch that. HA! No pun intended. Before our humans hid the toilet paper in the cabinet under the sink, he would unroll it, shred it and leave it all over the bathroom.

While humans are more focused on trying to understand why cats shred paper, I think it's more important to focus on why cats don't clean up the paper after they've shred it. The answer is so obvious it's painful: We have taken our cues from plumbers, painters and appliance installers. Let's look at the similarities: They track mud from room to room, we track cat litter from room to room. They leave giant gobs of caulk smack dab in the middle of the floor, we leave giant gobs of hairball barf smack dab in the middle of the floor.

If you want your cat to get a job, hire him out as a plumber, not a mouser. He's probably more than qualified.

Jester
Director of Cat Stuff
WhiskerGifters.com

Thursday, September 23, 2010

How Much Does a Dog or Cat Weigh on Mars?

Has your human insinuated that you've put on a few lately? If so, move to Mars!

Let's say you're a dog of average weight, about 40lbs or so, right here on Earth. If you lived on Mars, you would only weigh 15lbs! How's that for a quick weight loss program? OK, so travel time might be a little more than four months, and no one's sure if there's water there, but isn't that better than snacking on carrots and celery indefinitely?

If you're a 12lb cat, which means you're probably big-boned, because it doesn't matter what planet a 12lb cat lives on, that's still a big cat, you would only weigh 4.5lbs on Mars.

Baron and I are both looking to book our flights soon.

To see how much you weigh on Mars, or any of the other planets, enter your weight in the Your Weight on Other Worlds calculator.

See you there. Or, maybe on Pluto, which is still a planet in my book.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

How Old is Brett Favre in Dog Years?

More than ever before, dogs in fantasy football leagues are wondering how old Brett Favre is in dog years. Even cats, who are not known for wearing NFL jerseys during Monday Night Football, are wondering how old Brett Favre is in cat years. Let's face it. The guy is kind of old to be an NFL quarterback, even in human years.

Whether you're a dog or cat, enter Brett Favre's age (40 as of this posting - but enter 41 after October 10, 2010. Happy Birthday, Brett!) to see how old he is in dog and cat years. You can enter your human's age too, but be sure NOT to put that number of candles on his or her birthday cake this year. That could be a disaster.

Have fun!
Baron and Jester





Many thanks to CalculatorCat.com for providing the calculators. If you need to calculate your BMW, I mean BMI, or find a prime number, check them out!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Timeless Battle: Cat vs Watermelon

For thousands of years, cats have been engaged in the epic Battle of Watermelon. Some historians believe the Battle of Waterloo actually started as the Battle of Watermelon. Then Napoleon arrived and the rest, as they say, is history.