Why Do People Believe Cats are Psychic?

The belief that cats have innate psychic abilities is a belief held by many people. The cat goddesses Bast and Sekhmet of ancient Egypt may be responsible for this. Or, maybe it was born of more modern times because cats tend to have psychic hallucinations after eating catnip. Whatever the beginnings, when a cat owner asks me how to determine the psychic ability of her cat, I ask her whether or not her cat knows she’s pondering this. If the cat does not know, he is not psychic. But, if the cat is aware of the question, further testing is in order.


I usually recommend my patented “3-Step Feline Direct Psychic Capacity Test” to help people determine the level of psychic ability in their cats. I wrote this test a few years ago with my best friend Fluffy who bragged about being the most gifted cat-psychic on the block. I believed him right up until the day a community rescue group caught him and put him in a foster home. (How did he not see that coming?) Although he did not know that he was about to be picked up, he was unbelievably good at knowing who in the neighborhood would be putting out food.

Before you begin the test, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Clear your mind of any extraneous thoughts. Negative thoughts such as, “Why does my cat make such a mess when he eats?” or “I wish my cat would stop scratching the chair” may prevent your cat from establishing a psychic connection with you.

Step 1: Answer the following question.

Does your cat have a crystal ball, Ouija board or Tarot cards?

If you answered, “No” to all of the above, quit now. Your cat is not psychic.
If you answered, “Yes” to any of the above, move on to Step 2.
If you answered, “Yes” specifically to the Tarot cards, please write to me and tell me how your cat learned to read.

Step 2: Calling your cat.

Grab a piece of tuna, shrimp or catnip stalk and take a seat on the couch. Summon up as much concentration as you can and, while holding the tuna, shrimp or catnip stalk in the palm of your right hand, silently repeat to yourself, “Cat, come see me sitting on the couch.”* If your cat does not come into the room, quit now. Your cat is not psychic. If your cat does come into the room, give him the tuna, shrimp or catnip stalk as a reward and move on to Step 3.

Step 3: Make the connection. Note: You will need the help of a friend for this step.

Challenge your cat to a game of “Password." Sit across the kitchen table from one another. (Do not let your cat channel the spirit of Allen Ludden. This will give him an unfair advantage.) Have your friend write down a word on a piece of paper and hand it to you. Try to get your cat to figure out what the word is by giving him clues. For example, if the word on the sheet of paper is, “litterbox” you could start by saying, “poop.” Your cat may intuit the word faster if you stretch it out into a few syllables and raise your eyebrows and voice a bit. Try saying, “poooooooooop?” Continue until you’ve completed at least 18 words, as this will produce a more statistically accurate result by eliminating the probability of chance. If your cat is able to correctly identify more than 83.9753% of the words correctly, congratulations! Your cat is indeed psychic. If he is not able to correctly identify more than 83.9753% of the words correctly, don’t sign him up for the circus just yet.

If your cat shows no psychic ability at this time, continue to work with him. His psychic capacity may just need a little help to develop. And even if he never shows any psychic talent whatsoever, the two of you can still bond over “Medium" each week.

*If a couch is not available, use a chair. But, be sure to say, “Cat, come see me on the chair” or it won’t be a successful test.

Do you know any psychic cats? Let me know.

Jester
Director of Cat Stuff