Baron Requests a Retention Bonus from AIG

Dear Sirs at AIG in Charge of Retention Bonuses,

I respectfully request a retention bonus of $1,000,000. My qualifications for the retention bonus are as follows:

1. Over the years, I have retained water many times
2. One of the kids in my family used to wear a retainer
3. Even at my advanced age, I am able to jump over (small) retaining walls
4. After paying my bills, I have no retained earnings
5. I know some dogs who are anal retentive

Please make my check payable to “Baron” and mail to:

Whisker Gifters
24 Main St., 2nd Floor
Port Washington, NY 11050

If my check is sent by a method for which a signature is required, please make sure it is delivered between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m., as I leave for lunch at 1:00 p.m. on the dot.

Sincerely,
Baron

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