A Parallel Between Manifest Destiny and Hotel California

Today's Guest Columnist Topic:
"You'll Find Me with the Goldfish"

By Anonymous Squirrel, New England

Fall was approaching and it was getting cold in New England. I came across a house with cedar siding and found myself a little hole to crawl into. As luck would have it, my kids found me and crawled in, too. Being of the New England pioneering squirrel spirit, we decided that Manifest Destiny was ours, and spread out into the walls and ceilings of the house.

We lived there happily for a day or two until strange things started happening. We heard a lot of barking coming from within the house. We noticed that as we ran along the walls, the barking followed us. Next came the guy in a uniform who plugged our entrance hole with caulk. That dog had dropped the dime on us.

I comforted my babies as we searched desperately for an escape. We were hungry and tired, but we knew we could never quit. Softly, we hummed an old spiritual that our fore-squirrels hummed as they fought for independence in the war against the red tail hawks.

I scratched my last will and testament into a support beam, leaving all of my acorns to my favorite nephew. Then I saw a bright light. Oh, the end was near! I told myself to be brave and strong for my children, in this, our final hour. Then one baby jumped into the light. Oh, the despair! I walked to his jumping spot, expecting to find his tender fluffy body lying motionless while his soul drifted toward squirrel heaven. But, he was on the floor in the foyer of the house, eating goldfish crackers. He had found the escape! Our salvation was here!

Moral of the story: Stay away from shelters that have that Hotel California feel – you can check out any time you like but you can never leave.

Note to house owner: Sorry about the wires in the attic. And next time, how about a little water with the goldfish crackers?


Anonymous Squirrel, New England - I enjoy hanging upside down from ceilings as I scout out my surroundings.

It seems the Whisker Gifters Blog is becoming the place for squirrel contributors. If there are any groundhogs, picas or common marmosets wishing to contribute, please do so.

Sincerely,
Baron, Director of Dog Stuff
Jester, Director of Cat Stuff

Upcoming Guest Columnist Schedule

1. Wednesday, July 15: Baron requests a retention bonus from AIG
2. Thursday, July 16: Jester opines about a topic yet to be determined
   

If you'd like to become a guest columnist, send your article to jester at jester@whiskergifters.com.